Day 6 - The First Cracks in the Dyke

The Beginning of the End?

I have to put up with these impudent children while my wife takes
family portraits in a suburb of Philly.  Somehow I'm not envious...

Today I had my first "meltdown", my first moment of true frustration and difficulty since the beginning of this journey, the first glimmer of doubt as to whether I will make it to the end of the month with a sound mind.  It wasn't anything special or particularly dramatic, just the children's callous refusals to participate in simple chores around the house.  The difference this time was that, A. I felt under much more pressure in general than I usually do, and B. I was truly offended by their lack of appreciation for the present reality.  I was also very exhausted in general, after spending half the night cleaning up the house and watching Reese Witherspoon's new movie "Wild".  I highly recommend it.  So I lay down for a few minutes, figuring if Mohammed doesn't want to go to the mountain, well that mountain will eventually just come to him.  And come it did.  Within a few minutes three different children came with various requests and supplications -- one wanted to be served dinner, one complained about harrassment from another party, and the third needed help with something.  I siezed on the opportunity and asked them to call the remaining two children, who were avoiding me since that were not performing the chores I had delegated to them.  Eventually I had them all congregated around my bed, and I waited for the banter to taper off.  Then I quietly and firmly reminded them that their mother will still be gone for many more days, and I cannot possibly get everything done on my own.  I made it clear that they were needed.  I begged them to stop being lazy and petty and take responsibility for themselves and for one another.  And it worked like magic!  My simple sincerity seemed to strike chord in their young hearts, and within minutes the chores I had asked to get done were taken care of, the hungry younger child was fed, and I got to sleep for another half an hour.  I now congratulate myself for handling it so well.  I was really close to just hitting them.

Lightening the Load

The unfinished tefillin.  One hour of my life and 18 NIS in parchment,
gone to waste.

Last fall, a friend's sister-in-law called me up to order two pairs of tefillin for her twin boys, who are to be Bar Mitzva in about two months from now.  While it's not usually necessary to order nine months in advance scrolls that take under a week to pen, under poor circumstances, neither is it being ridiculously cautious.  It really depends on the scribe's backlog.  At the time I had a backlog of about a month or so, but I was already working more on apps than on scrolls.  Initially I declined the order, since I had already made up my mind not to take on any more scribal work, but the woman was not satisfied with being given phone numbers of friends of mine who would be much happier to receive the work, and in my book no less deserving of it.  She called me back a week later.  "We decided that we only want you to write them for us.  We received very good recommendations about you, and we don't know these other scribes.  Will you do it?  We don't need it done until next summer."  At the time I had no confidence I would continue to get software gigs, so I decided it was at worst it would hold me over a little longer while looking for a steady job.  I committed to getting the tefillin done by Shavuot.  

A few weeks before Shavuot, she called up to check in , and I reassured her that the date still stood.  Well, last week I actually started writing them.  I finished about one twelfth of one pair, and tonight I was planning on making further progress.  Today she called again to ask if they would really be done in the next few days, because if that wasn't the case, she'd prefer to lodge an order with somebody else, who has more time for such things.  I was so relieved!  Throughout the phone call she said a number of times that she didn't hold it against me, even though her tone was more like, "Why did you lead me on like this, you scoundrel!"  I felt sort of bad that I hadn't kept to my word, but I really did try to discourage her from ordering from me at the outset.  As they say, when a girl says no, she really means no... What?  Never mind...

Better Half Full

Tonight I skyped with Michal for a spell after all the kids were asleep, and she told me of her very low-key Shabbat staying with a family in Philadelphia she was once close with, who since have become total empty nesters, and are in the middle of packing up the house in order to move to New Jersey.  Not only was the house devoid of anyone her generation, there was barely any furniture around.  At the end of the phone call, it took us a really long time to say goodbye.  I just didn't want to let go.  It felt so comfortable and comforting to chat and gaze upon my companion of 14 years.  I think she felt the same way.  Four weeks seems like a short time on the calendar, or when planning things out over the course of a season, but when you're stuck in the middle of it, it's an eternity.  Thinking back to the closing of that phone call an hour ago, I realize that I'm feeling some of the same things I did when we were engaged.  Then it really was an eternity.  

We were engaged for a full 10 months, 6 months out of which we didn't see each other at all.  Not even on Skype.  This was 15 years ago; Skype hadn't been born yet.  I was studying in a yeshiva here in Israel, and Michal was finishing her degree at the U of C.  Twice a week, late at night, I'd plug into the yeshiva office's phone line (with permission) and dial up the connection to the ISP.  Then we'd have a stulted conversation (there was terrible lag) over ICQ voice chat.  This was our only contact for 6 months.  That was the absolute loneliest time of my life, no question.  Not only was I estranged from the woman I wanted to be with, I hard a difficult time socially, integrated with all the Israeli boys in the yeshiva.  I had no close friends, and no family to be with except from my great-aunt and a couple of third cousins scattered around the Jerusalem area.  Boy I'm sure glad that's all over and done with!