The Day I Dared to Hope
Today, for the first time since this whole ordeal began, I dare to even look at a calendar and "count the days", that is, examine my precision situation from a temporal standpoint. Up 'til now, I had a general idea of when this journey would end. "She's coming back in another three weeks," I'd say to inquiring friends, or "In a week and a half my parents come in, and then it'll be much easier." But I avoided actually taking stock, afraid of how I would feel knowing just how much more time I was due to serve. But this week I crossed the half-way point, and I knew that before the middle of next week my parents would come and take half the burden from my shoulders, if not more. So I peeked at the calendar for the first time. 12 days left, indeed, but it doesn't seem so far off. Maybe I'll even survive, with my sanity intact.
Coming Out of the Shell
Another consequence of feeling the impending release from my figurative bondage is the ability to calmly consider engaging in leisure activities. While last Friday I did sneak out for a bike ride with a friend, the whole time I was planning it, and even during it, I was sort of cringing inside, thinking of how much I could get done around the house, or work, during that time, and wondering if the kids (Chanania and Noam) were okay at home with an adult they don't really know (a friend of Michal's).
Today, I feel like I've started to regain my normal sense of balance between obligation to the home and family, and commitment to my own needs and desires. So I went to my regular Kabbalah study session last night with no pangs of guilt, and made up with a friend who wanted me to help him with getting into Android development (he's mostly a Microsoft guy, but I like him anyway). Maybe dealing with household responsibility overload is like getting into shape - the first few times you work out, you're still out of shape, you're huffing and puffing, your every thought and every fiber in your body is completely devoted to the workout. You can't talk to anyone else, you can't listen, heck, you can hardly hear. But every a few training sessions your body gets the hang of it, and even though it's still tough, it doesn't stress you out in that way any more, and you listen to an audiobook or radio show, or even carry on a rudimentary conversation while exercising. My househusband muscles are getting properly toned!
Today, I feel like I've started to regain my normal sense of balance between obligation to the home and family, and commitment to my own needs and desires. So I went to my regular Kabbalah study session last night with no pangs of guilt, and made up with a friend who wanted me to help him with getting into Android development (he's mostly a Microsoft guy, but I like him anyway). Maybe dealing with household responsibility overload is like getting into shape - the first few times you work out, you're still out of shape, you're huffing and puffing, your every thought and every fiber in your body is completely devoted to the workout. You can't talk to anyone else, you can't listen, heck, you can hardly hear. But every a few training sessions your body gets the hang of it, and even though it's still tough, it doesn't stress you out in that way any more, and you listen to an audiobook or radio show, or even carry on a rudimentary conversation while exercising. My househusband muscles are getting properly toned!
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