Day 20 - Reinforcements Have Arrived

United By a Common Goal

As I may have previously noted, the young inhabitants of my house are able to come together and perform harmoniously when motivated by something that excites or entices them.  Usually, that motivation takes the form of a piece of chocolate or 15 minutes of Warner Brothers cartoons, but occasionally a less immediate reward can serve the purpose.  In this case, seeing and pleasing their beloved grandparents was plenty motivation for them to act, with purpose, eagerly, and harmoniously.

For my part, I already arranged the apartment two weeks ago, including getting an a/c unit installed at my behest.  The problem was, the apartment hadn't been intended by the owner to serve as a vacation facility, and therefore was barely furnished.  A table with chairs, a second bed (since the existing bed wasn't so large), towels and bedding, a couch, and some basic kitchen appliances (such as an electric kettle and a toaster oven) all needed to be brought in in order to make the place comfortable for folks showing with just their suitcases for a three week stay.  Luckily, we had everything they needed already on hand at home: we'd recently gotten two more couches from friends - one would go to my parents' place; I had an extra electric kettle lying around from when I had an office space I rented out; an extra folding bed and rarely used folding table all made their way down the street to the other apartment.  The problem was making the move.  In addition to all the aforementioned furniture and sundry items, my parents also have an entire suitcase + a bag + two small boxes of things they've accumulated for use over their many visits here, and get stored in our house in between visits.

A shot of the apartment, obscured by trees, from Google Earth

This is where the kids came in.  Nearly from the moment they got home from their various educational institutions, there was only one thing on their minds: getting the apartment ready for Sabba and Savta.  And so, over the course of 3-4 hours, numerous trips were made back and forth, like a small band of ants moving the nest.  Plastic bags, boxes, and strollers served to convey all the goods. 

Once everything had been brought to the apartment, it all had to be arranged properly.  Beds were made, groceries (purchased this morning, based on standard foodstuffs they bought on previous visits) were put away, kitchen appliances and utensils arranged on the counter and in cabinets, and the floor was swept and wiped clean.  In all these preparations I played a very minimal role, carrying furniture (sometimes with Binyamin's help) too big or too heavy for them to deal with, guiding them on how to unpack the suitcase or the grocery bags, and helping them find linens, towels, and pillows for delivery.  It was a fantastic effort, I'm very proud of them, not because they displayed such a willingness to help out, but because they care so much about their grandparents.

Single Fathers Support Group 

Over the course of the last few days, I've had a number of people, my father amongst them, share with me similar experiences they had taking care of a number of children when their spouse was away for a while.  Not one of them was in that situation for as long as I've been, but who's counting? (I certainly am...)

Sonya, Adam, and their kids

One friend's wife once went to the Ukraine for five days to strengthen her bonds with Rebbe Nachman (of Breslev, buried in Uman, Ukraine).  Another friend's wife went to the States for 10 days to visit family, leaving him with a number of rowdy boys (this was a few years back; they currently have 7 boys, and no girls).  Adam, my brother-in-law, recounted how a few times Sonya went away to academic conferences, and he (and the nanny) had to fend for themselves with three young children.  And my father reminded me of the times my Mom went away to various Jewish educators' conferences and we got to break all the house rules while she was gone.

The common denominator of these short man-to-man (was that redundant?) moments of empathy, was that the experience had a positive side.  Whether just the satisfaction of knowing you're capable of it, the special male bonding time, the experience of how Things Could Be Different, or appreciating how much your wife really holds the house together, their is something to be gained from the situation, and that's what stuck with all these guys.  I not only hope, but also believe, that that's what will stick with me, instead of the exhaustion, frustration, and loneliness.